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How are sex and gender different? (And why gender reveal parties are problematic)

 **This is a topic that is challenging to write about because the language surrounding it is evolving so quickly. This is just a very broad overview, and it is possible this information may be dated by the time you are reading it.

In recent years there has been a distinct uptick in the popularity of gender reveal parties. At these parties expectant parents, family members, and friends find out the “gender” of the baby that is on the way. If you haven’t been invited to one yourself, you have probably seen some of the news stories of gender reveal parties gone wrong, most famously the party that led to the Sawmill Fire in Arizona in 2017. Aside from the potential dangers of using explosives at a family gathering, gender reveal parties have prompted discussion because a baby’s gender can’t be revealed before it’s born, and even its sex is not necessarily wholly represented in an ultrasound image. 


In our day-to-day lives people often use the terms sex and gender interchangeably; however, sex and gender are two different categories of identity. As described in the blog post “Is there more to life than XX and XY?” sex is a trait rooted in biology and is determined by chromosomes, genes, and hormones. The binary categories of male and female simply do not cover all the variations that are possible, and so scientists have moved to a view of biological sex on a spectrum. Gender refers to something different from biological sex, but it is just as complex and is also best understood in terms of a spectrum. For many people, the sex they are assigned at birth will match the gender that is typically associated with that sex - for example, a female baby who grows into a child who identifies as a girl. It is partly because this situation is common that sex and gender are often conflated. So then, what is gender exactly?


The concept of gender has a societal component and a personal component. Gender roles are society’s set of expectations, standards, and characteristics about how men and women are supposed to act. Different societies around the world and throughout history have had different definitions of gender roles. In the United States we have historically defined gender as a binary - male and female, or masculine and feminine. Gender is also a term that sits at the intersection of three more personal things: a person’s body (biology), their gender identity, and their gender expression:


  • Body (biology): A person’s body is used by others in their society to help label them as more masculine or feminine. For example, people with facial hair are often seen as more masculine, while people who are slight of build are often seen as more feminine. The way a person is gendered by others may affect how they feel about themselves. (see previous post on biological sex)

  • Gender identity: This is a person’s sense of self as it relates to gender. They may identify as male, female, neither or something else. A person’s gender identity may change over their lifetime. Our language around gender identity is also shifting a lot, so a person might change the language they use to describe their gender identity, even though their gender may not have changed.

  • Gender expression: This term describes the way in which a person presents themselves to others in relation to gender through things like clothing, hairstyle, and behavior. A person’s gender expression may or may not match their gender identity. For example, a person whose gender identity is male may decide to grow their hair long and wear makeup, which would traditionally have been defined as traits women would exhibit. A person’s gender expression may also change throughout a person’s life.


Defining gender is not easy, and it’s clear that our society’s traditional gender binary is not adequately representing all the ways in which people define their own gender. Viewing gender as a spectrum is a much more useful way to understand the various forms of identity and expression which are possible.


When a person’s gender identity aligns with the sex they are assigned at birth they are described as cisgender. In science, “cis” means on the same side of and “trans” means across, or on the other side of. A person whose gender identity doesn’t match the sex they are assigned at birth may identify as transgender. So, for example if a child is assigned female at birth, but as they get older they feel that their gender is male, they can be described as trans or transgender. 


Generally speaking, if a person feels that their gender identity or expression doesn’t match the societal expectations for their gender, the umbrella term gender nonconforming applies. This includes transgender individuals, as well as several other identities such as, but not limited to, genderfluid and agender. Agender is a term used by people who do not identify strongly, or at all, with any gender. A person who identifies as genderfluid feels that their gender identity is in flux, one day they may feel more masculine, another day they may feel more agender. There are many more gender identities that haven’t been covered here, and new terms to describe people’s relationship with gender are emerging all the time. 


Next time you hear about a gender reveal party in the news or in your social circle, you will hopefully think about it in the context of how we define gender in the United States. Maybe you can strike up a conversation about how gender is more than masculine and feminine, and that there are ways to celebrate the arrival of a new family member that don’t alienate gender nonconforming people, and don’t further the antiquated idea of a gender binary. 

 

Taking action

  • Email DELDOT and ask for a non-binary gender option to be added to Delaware licenses and state IDs. dotpublic@delaware.gov

  • Take the Pledge for Aimee: Trans People Belong  - Add your name to this ACLU petition in support of Aimee Stephens, who was fired at a funeral home solely because she is transgender.


Resources on the language of gender:


Resources for learning about transgender people:


Donate to organizations that support gender nonconforming people, and the LGBTQ+ community


Further reading on why gender reveal parties are problematic



https://www.glsen.org/sites/default/files/2019-12/GLSEN-Gender-Triangle-Visual.pdf

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